Dismantle. Repair.

I am the patron saint of lost causes
A fraction of who I once believed (change)
It's only a matter of time
Opinions I would try and rewrite
If life had background music playing your song
I have got to be honest, I tried to escape you
But the orchestra plays on, and they sang

Oh, things are going to change now for the better
And oh, things are going to change

Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you
Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down (repair)
You dismantle me
You dismantle me


... Ill be damned if I haven't heard a better song in years. Justin and Kristin, seriously... thank you for introducing me to Anberlin. I'm obsessed.

Music, Guitar, Dylan Sneed, Love, God... and Me

A few weeks back I quoted a Dylan Sneed song, "What I Thought." Today, I listened to it again. I can't say how amazingly happy and excited I am to play a show with this singer/songwriter from Texas. I haven't anticipated something like this in a long while. The man's writing is fantastic.

Below is another sampling, from that same song. It hit me particularly hard this morning, for obvious reasons to those who know me and know what is going on right now. But beyond love and life and all it's joys and ups and downs and changes and etc., this guy can write. I am so looking forward to January 19th.


I knew you were pretty, you seemed kind of smart
But I just wasn't ready for the shape of your heart
Well charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting
But when I talk to you, girl I can feel my heart beating

You're not who I thought you'd be
You're just who you are
And the wise and the fool agree
That you've got a fire in your heart
That's what I've been looking for
And that's what I've found
So I'm ready to start feeling
My feet leave the ground

The queen's prize awaits...

Ok, so yeah, I didn't announce that this is "GbV month," and it is not, and I did use the lyrics of another band to title this entry, that band being GbV and not Pearl Jam. Sue me.

Last night was fun. I busted ass on the elliptical at work, then jetted home and got cleaned up. Cory and I talked set-lists for our upcoming shows, grab a bite to eat, and the practiced. It was soooo good to practice - not just with Cory, but period. And I think I may have found a key to get me back into performing... I really enjoyed singing last night.

Really. Cory had a copy of a show we played as Souls Harbour with Chris and Kim, and while there were moments that were fantastic, there were moments where it was decidedly less so. I sounded good every once in a while - good, but not great - and simply terrible most of the time. The rest of us weren't really much better, except for Chris, who somehow got the shaft and didn't get to sing as much. We watched enough of the tape to cue up a song that I can't remember how to play, don't remember the lyrics for, and have someone lost the sheet where all of that was written down (damnit). We had both had enough just listening to snippets by then, so we moved on to actual practice.

The thing was, I was astonished when I opened my voice to sing. I mean, here I was, listening to myself (albeit 4-5 years ago), my voice all pinched, nasaly, out of key and off pitch. And then, now, I open my mouth to sing, and voice was... it was startling how much I have improved. And, I mean, this is something Cory has pointed out a few times recently, but I don't think I had anything to compare it to. To be honest, I still thought I sucked as a singer.

Not that I am Josh Groban or Nina Simone or Nancy Sinatra, or even, you know, Harry Connick, Jr. No, I am just me. But I am enjoying that fact that "me" is a much better singer than "me" was five years ago, and you know, probably two or three years ago.

C and I banged through 14-16 songs, just trying to get a grip on what sounds good, what would make a good set, what we both felt comfortable with, and, you know, what wasn't in the key of A. Apparently, I have written a LOT of songs in the key of A major. Damn. But oh well, songs is songs and that's what I do.

Not everything we played worked, but enough of it did that I am really excited for the upcoming shows in Bloomington and Indianapolis.

The queen's prize awaits, and she better be ready, because it is back, improved, not new. This is old soul kind of music, acoustic rock and roll in the grand traditions of our forefathers (Pete and Uncle Neil, I am looking at you).

For those about to rock, we salute you.

Familiar, yet, can't seem to place it...

Sometimes, I forget how much I like a certain song, or a certain band. I recently read an article about a band called Over The Rhine (on the Aquarian Drunkard music blog), just a short, fun little interview. And it of course reminded me how amazing floored I am by the work of this band, these two people, this husband and wife songwriting team. Lennon and McCartney are good. But so is Over The Rhine... and sometimes in my eyes, and more importantly my soul, equally good, or even better.

So... why haven't I listened to them in forever? Past relationships. What a waste. I can't listen to one of my favorite bands of all time because of an ex-girlfriend? Well... if you were there, you might understand that. I mean, we met on the band's message board, went to several shows, had little rituals wrapped around so many songs.

But... fuck it. If I'm going to do this singer/songwriter thing, I've got to get over my emotions... so I can dig into my emotions. Time to exploit this pain, dammit.

The journey continues on and on... I need to keep on strumming.

And listening to great music that inspires me.

And... stay away from girls.

My Brain... via "Baba O'Riley"

Out here in the fields - you know, I grew up on a small ranch. Small town kid. A classmate of mine died just yesterday... and everyone from my high school crawls out of the woodworks. It always took a tragedy to make us all see eye to eye.

I fight for my meals - I've been pretty damn lucky so far, and haven't had to do this too much. That said, I am way too damned broke, and it ain't getting any better.

I get my back into my living - you can say that again. Jobs kill me, I think. I start out loving it, then end up hating it when stress takes control. There is no escape. I used to think the bible was silly, what with all it's toil and hard work stuff... now, not so sure.

I don't need to fight - but I always do. Now, I just wish I had something worth fighting for.

To prove I'm right - yet, unfortunately, the thing I want to fight for, I can't. The things I want to do, I don't have the fortitude or the guts to do. I am, to say the least, shallow on the inside.

I don't need to be forgiven - God and I have been having this argument. Damn him, he always wins...

Don't cry, don't raise your eye - I don't cry much anyway, not anymore. I gave it up after shedding far too many tears for two or so women. I should've learned the first time.

It's only teenage wasteland - damn right it is. Angst, envy, lack of patience, anger and hate, misplaced love, broken hearts, tortured artist soul... all here for the world to see.

Sally, take my hand - still looking for a Sally...

We'll travel south crossland - I'd love a vacation. I need a vacation.

Put out the fire, don't look past my shoulder - ah, but I never, never want the fire to go out. I stoke that bitch all night long... and still, she burns me.

The exodus is here - I've been waiting a long time. A long time.

The happy ones are near - thank God for great friends and wonderful family.

Let's get together, before we get much older - but no, we're all becoming damaged goods. We all got baggage now. It makes life interesting, for sure. But we ARE getting older, and yet things remain the same. Still waiting on that exodus.

Teenage Wasteland! It's only teenage wasteland - yes, it all comes back to this... hope, love, faith... disappointment? Again?

We're all wasted! - well, I'm not. Maybe I should be. Never was my thing.


I'll stick with the Teenage Wasteland part, thank you very much.

Since You Slipped Away...

Billy Joel is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Thanks to Chuck Klosterman in September of 2002, we know that is a small comfort to Billy Joel.

"The happiest times in my life were when my relationships were going well - when I was in love with someone, and someone was loving me," said Joel in the interview that Klosterman wrote for the New York Post newspaper. "But in my whole life, I haven't met the person I can sustain a relationship with yet. So I'm discontented about that. I'm angry with myself. I have regrets."

... it is interesting to note that Billy Joel and I share some feelings, some sentiments, some regrets. But, really... where else does great art come from? The highs and lows of the creative mind, the romantic heart.

And, even with that said... I am better off than I was in 2002, or 2004, or 2006. Reading through my old blog, it is shocking how many snippets of my relationship with my then-girlfriend, and how before that my lack of a romantic relationship with someone, slipped into my writting.

Love is an all-consuming, all-or-nothing passion for almost every human being. It defines us, it defines life, it defines God, it defines all. Our relation to love, in all its myriad forms, plays an important role in how we view the world, and how comfortable we are in those moments when we consider ourselves in it (and perhaps, of it, though the hardcore religious fanatic would never say we were "of" the world).

As I look at myself in the world and perhaps of it, I see progress. I see love - in many of its myriad of forms, though perhaps not in the desparate, romantic form that Billy Joel and I dream of - all around me. And, though Mr. Joel and I lament, and write a tuneful sorrow for thine ears to hear, along with so many of our favorite songwriters... though my heart wants and needs what C.S. Lewis calls "Eros" in the Four Loves... though we all need a little "bang a gong, get it on" ... I can say I am loved, and I am happy.

There are always lonely, hurt, and joyous, fond corners of the heart to explore for the next sweet melody and pensive turn of phrase.

But the days and moments in between can be pretty sweet, too.

I'll Take The Varmint's Path

"Corduroy" is the greatest rock song of the '90's, and the second greatest live rock and roll song ever. Written and recorded by Pearl Jam, originally released on the album Vitalogy, "Cordoroy" represents everything that is good and right about '90's music.

Why is it, specifically, the greatest rock song of the '90's? It perfectly encapsulates the era - lyrics dealing with alienation, want and desire, a need to mean something, and fear of a controlling media; liquid, ethereal guitar-work that explodes into a powerful, pounding, riff, that turns into a hypnotic rhythm, and takes you for a ride the entire song; great rhythm section along with great lead work that is understated and yet perfect for the moment; great album artwork, even just for this song (though the entire Vitalogy album artwork is legendary); and, finally, it got better with age, and turned into Pearl Jam's greatest live song (and the second great live rock song ever).

From the eerie picture of a dental x-ray of Ed Vedder's teeth, to the shout of "I'll take the varmint's path!," the song is a salvo against media intrustion, a cry for being oneself and keeping oneself amidst turmoil. It is both furious and calm, reflective and pensive, open and closed off.

It struck me, listening to the live version from the 2006 New York show (2nd night), as the band described the feeling of the stage shaking the night before when they played the song, that "Corduroy" had become more than just a mission statement for survival and a "piss off" rallying cry to intrusion and invasion of privacy - it had become an anthem of a bygone era when youth was confused, and our heroes from Seattle didn't promise answers. They delivered comfort. Admitted they were confused, too. And as we've grown up, they've grown up with us... but we can always take comfort in that shared moment of youthful confusion, of energy, of lost-in-the-woods-but-don't-give-a-fuck bliss.

And, having experienced several Pearl Jam shows myself - and having felt a balcony shake, in the Fox Theatre in St. Louis, as the band played the song and crowd went insane with joy, pain, old confusion and musical connection - I can say without a doubt, that it is Pearl Jam's best live song (consistently, anyway), it's the best song of the 1990's and the era of Seattle rock (alternative, grunge, whatever you want to call it), and it is the second greatest live rock and roll song of all time.

As for the first greatest rock and roll song of all time... well, that's a story for another day.

Anyway, in closing, here is what I wrote on my old blog, back in September of 2005, in an article where I discussed how Vitalogy is the defining album of the '90's:

The booklet for the next song featured an x-ray of teeth - instead of a lyric sheet. "It is about a relationship but not between two people. It's more one person's relationship with a million people. In fact, that song's almost a little too obvious for me. That's why instead of a lyric sheet we put in an X-ray of my teeth from last January and they are all in very bad shape, which was analogous to my head at the time." Vedder and the band struck pay-dirt though - the song is arguably one of the greatest rock and roll songs of all time. "Corduroy" was born - and a million PJ fans would never be the same.

Ah, time will tell, as with everything... but yeah, that right there kind of says it all.