A few weeks back I quoted a Dylan Sneed song, "What I Thought." Today, I listened to it again. I can't say how amazingly happy and excited I am to play a show with this singer/songwriter from Texas. I haven't anticipated something like this in a long while. The man's writing is fantastic.
Below is another sampling, from that same song. It hit me particularly hard this morning, for obvious reasons to those who know me and know what is going on right now. But beyond love and life and all it's joys and ups and downs and changes and etc., this guy can write. I am so looking forward to January 19th.
I knew you were pretty, you seemed kind of smart
But I just wasn't ready for the shape of your heart
Well charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting
But when I talk to you, girl I can feel my heart beating
You're not who I thought you'd be
You're just who you are
And the wise and the fool agree
That you've got a fire in your heart
That's what I've been looking for
And that's what I've found
So I'm ready to start feeling
My feet leave the ground
1.07.2009
We'll Keep Marching To The Top Of This Tower/ Love Is A Tower
A good friend recently discussed the balance of good versus evil on her blog (thanks for the insight Rach - good post), and the got me thinking. A lot of what she discussed had to do with choice. And choice can be a bitch, let me tell you.
I know my own heart, and I know I struggle with certain things. I want so bad to find what I have sought out that, when it comes close, my heart wars with my mind - chivalry, love, goodness versus self-doubt, jealousy, worrying. The good in me wars with the bad. And I have to choose which voice to listen to, the heart that wants to be free or the head that knows we've been down this path before, and left a broken man.
I am not a broken man. But... sometimes I can't help thinking there's a little Roland of Gilead in me, the Gunslinger. I've joked, and been serious, too, before about slinging lead in my songs. More than that, though, is the one-mindedness, the determination to see the tower, to climb to the top and conquer whatever is there.
And thanks to my boys in Pearl Jam, I get the reminder that Love is a Tower.
So, am I Roland, pursuing that which is forever seemingly out of my grasp, in the distance and dying as I march on, my Tower of Love? And, for those who have finished the Dark Tower books... have I been like Roland in other ways? In the beginning? At the end, if and when he finally gets his tower? In the early years, with Susan?
There is nothing wrong. Everything, or damn near, is right. I just hope I can fight my head, and conquer the tower of Self-Doubt, so I can storm the Tower of Love, and claim that elusive son of a bitch as my own. As someone who's involved said recently, it's about time. For her and me both.
Now then, with that out of the way... if Roland is all impulse, but slow-witted in the books - more mathematical than imaginative, more stoic than romantic (though very romantic in his own ways), is there a way to escape his curse? I have no desire to live for the chase... even though life is about the journey and not the destination, this should be but the next (albeit big) step on that wonderful walk/run/crawl/leap.
All this is just philosphical psycho-babble... my musings on a busy but boring Wednesday afternoon. Things are going well and easy. I just don't want to hold on too fast or too much, too soon, too hard, too loose, too little, too etc, too etc, too etc.
I just want to take this one to the top of the Tower (the Love one, not the others), and finally get - and SHARE - my passionate love affair.
So God, if you ARE at the top of that Tower? Throw me the key, man. She's earned it and maybe I have too.
I know my own heart, and I know I struggle with certain things. I want so bad to find what I have sought out that, when it comes close, my heart wars with my mind - chivalry, love, goodness versus self-doubt, jealousy, worrying. The good in me wars with the bad. And I have to choose which voice to listen to, the heart that wants to be free or the head that knows we've been down this path before, and left a broken man.
I am not a broken man. But... sometimes I can't help thinking there's a little Roland of Gilead in me, the Gunslinger. I've joked, and been serious, too, before about slinging lead in my songs. More than that, though, is the one-mindedness, the determination to see the tower, to climb to the top and conquer whatever is there.
And thanks to my boys in Pearl Jam, I get the reminder that Love is a Tower.
So, am I Roland, pursuing that which is forever seemingly out of my grasp, in the distance and dying as I march on, my Tower of Love? And, for those who have finished the Dark Tower books... have I been like Roland in other ways? In the beginning? At the end, if and when he finally gets his tower? In the early years, with Susan?
There is nothing wrong. Everything, or damn near, is right. I just hope I can fight my head, and conquer the tower of Self-Doubt, so I can storm the Tower of Love, and claim that elusive son of a bitch as my own. As someone who's involved said recently, it's about time. For her and me both.
Now then, with that out of the way... if Roland is all impulse, but slow-witted in the books - more mathematical than imaginative, more stoic than romantic (though very romantic in his own ways), is there a way to escape his curse? I have no desire to live for the chase... even though life is about the journey and not the destination, this should be but the next (albeit big) step on that wonderful walk/run/crawl/leap.
All this is just philosphical psycho-babble... my musings on a busy but boring Wednesday afternoon. Things are going well and easy. I just don't want to hold on too fast or too much, too soon, too hard, too loose, too little, too etc, too etc, too etc.
I just want to take this one to the top of the Tower (the Love one, not the others), and finally get - and SHARE - my passionate love affair.
So God, if you ARE at the top of that Tower? Throw me the key, man. She's earned it and maybe I have too.
I'm Amazed
Yeesh! I know this isn't a "real" entry, but it's what you get. Things are going well. I am scared to death. And through it all... I have hope. And that is a good thing.
I'm amazed in the quiet ocean
I'm amazed at your wrong devotion
I'm amazed at what the people saying
I'm amazed by a divided nation
Like the middle of the earth
I get disrupted
I'm amazed at all that has been
I'm amazed at all who be
I'm amazed at the TV stations
I'm amazed what they want me to believe
After all is said and done
Will we seek justice
I'm amazed at the evolution
I'm amazed at the lack of fame
I'm amazed at the love we're rejecting
I'm amazed that we accepted this place
Like the middle of the earth and the middle of the ages
Like a river I get disrupted
I'm amazed
I'm amazed
I'm amazed
I'm amazed in the quiet ocean
I'm amazed at your wrong devotion
I'm amazed at what the people saying
I'm amazed by a divided nation
Like the middle of the earth
I get disrupted
I'm amazed at all that has been
I'm amazed at all who be
I'm amazed at the TV stations
I'm amazed what they want me to believe
After all is said and done
Will we seek justice
I'm amazed at the evolution
I'm amazed at the lack of fame
I'm amazed at the love we're rejecting
I'm amazed that we accepted this place
Like the middle of the earth and the middle of the ages
Like a river I get disrupted
I'm amazed
I'm amazed
I'm amazed
1.06.2009
Don't Wait
This one goes out to Cory. Who loves Dashboard Confessional/ deserves to be on the cover of Tiger Beat. Or something like that. Anyway, pertinent to my last post...
The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again
Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
You get one look
I'll show you something that the knife took
A bit too early for my own good
Now let's not speak of it again
Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
Don't wait, Don't wait
The lights will flash and fade away
The days will pass you by
Don't wait
To lay your armor down...
The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again
Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
You get one look
I'll show you something that the knife took
A bit too early for my own good
Now let's not speak of it again
Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
Don't wait, Don't wait
The lights will flash and fade away
The days will pass you by
Don't wait
To lay your armor down...
Don't Let It Take The Fight Outta You
Sometimes, it isn't as easy as it looks. I can't say it's not as great as it sounds... but it isn't easy. It takes time, patience, honesty, openness, more patience, and quite a bit of giving of one's self.
As much as I love the feeling of it, I won't lie - part of it is also like being sliced open, butterflied, exposed. No one likes to be exposed, not like that. Inside there are things wonderful, but there are also things not-so-wonderful. We've got our skeletons in this closet, and our insecurities, in this one, here.
"Opening is not easy," I wrote in "Reflections." While that tune is more about being spiritually lost, the point I am trying to make is sound - that opening up, at any time and in any way, is tough. It's not easy to lay yourself out there - whether it's to the mirror, to god, to a friend or a loved one, or someone special.
One of my own personal relfections has always been how cyclical life can be (yes, like a cycle, or a circle... not cynical, which you could at times accuse me of... this is not one of those times). It's not always easy, and it's not always meant to be easy. Sometimes it is hard, tough, sucks, and is downright shitty. Sometimes it's lonely.
And sometimes it is not. The ups and downs, though, are what make us who we are. And I have seen both. I've got skeletons here and there. And I've got a trophy room, too.
Showing someone your insides isn't always easy. But neither is having someone to show your insides too.
Ben Harper said it best: "don't let it take the fight outta you." The wheel's gonna keep on turnin'... it's our job to keep on going with the flow, ride the ups and downs, learn from it all, and make our life one to remember.
As much as I love the feeling of it, I won't lie - part of it is also like being sliced open, butterflied, exposed. No one likes to be exposed, not like that. Inside there are things wonderful, but there are also things not-so-wonderful. We've got our skeletons in this closet, and our insecurities, in this one, here.
"Opening is not easy," I wrote in "Reflections." While that tune is more about being spiritually lost, the point I am trying to make is sound - that opening up, at any time and in any way, is tough. It's not easy to lay yourself out there - whether it's to the mirror, to god, to a friend or a loved one, or someone special.
One of my own personal relfections has always been how cyclical life can be (yes, like a cycle, or a circle... not cynical, which you could at times accuse me of... this is not one of those times). It's not always easy, and it's not always meant to be easy. Sometimes it is hard, tough, sucks, and is downright shitty. Sometimes it's lonely.
And sometimes it is not. The ups and downs, though, are what make us who we are. And I have seen both. I've got skeletons here and there. And I've got a trophy room, too.
Showing someone your insides isn't always easy. But neither is having someone to show your insides too.
Ben Harper said it best: "don't let it take the fight outta you." The wheel's gonna keep on turnin'... it's our job to keep on going with the flow, ride the ups and downs, learn from it all, and make our life one to remember.
12.31.2008
Waiting For My Day
I used to post a lot of songs on my blog, back in the day. Most of them were good songs. And they always had a point. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and yes, feeling a lot of things I haven't been feeling lately.
Much to the chagrin of some friends, I might be pulling away and heading in a bit of a different direction. And, as we humans are wont to do, when we get to feeling happy and lucky and all that jazz, we tend to like to remember God. As bad as that may sound, I think it is true for most of us - we blame God for bad stuff and thank him for good stuff. Regardless of reasons - let's not forget it's Commercial Christmas time, either - I've been in a bit of a spiritual mindset lately.
Along with many of the other things going on in my life, head, heart, and etc., this song that I'd like to share has been in my head, ears, heart, and etc. a lot lately. I think it fits quite nicely. It's by a not-so-well-known-anymore singer/songwriter named Jason Harrod, who always slays me with his songs. He's become more and more an influence the more and more I listen. And this song begs me to listen. And I do.
Mothers and children all around on a Monday morning,
The air is cool and clear.
I am too alone to be part of this suburban scene.
I am just an observer here.
I'm sitting here thinking, "Is this my inheritance?"
This dusty gypsy atmosphere,
This dust I'm breathing in is someone else's skin, not mine.
I grew up far from here.
Today I answered some primal call.
Found myself looking at the sea.
I can never get enough of this big ocean loud and rough
With the sighing sifting melody.
Right here is beauty like I have never known,
And I'm carefully placed here, not some cast away,
But I'm weary and aching for my home,
And I'm waiting for my day.
Longing in starlight,
I'm too stricken to move, too impatient to sit,
At the same time strong and weak.
I am loved enough to be part of this eternal scene.
Thus I am bold enough to speak.
And I say, "I used to read the Bible saying,
'This I know, this I know, this I no longer know,
This I no longer really care.'"
What's that matter anyway, that was yesterday.
Tonight I have belief to spare.
So much belief that I get scared, yeah.
Right here is beauty like I have never known,
And I'm carefully placed here, not some cast away,
But I'm weary and aching for my home,
And I'm waiting for my day.
Much to the chagrin of some friends, I might be pulling away and heading in a bit of a different direction. And, as we humans are wont to do, when we get to feeling happy and lucky and all that jazz, we tend to like to remember God. As bad as that may sound, I think it is true for most of us - we blame God for bad stuff and thank him for good stuff. Regardless of reasons - let's not forget it's Commercial Christmas time, either - I've been in a bit of a spiritual mindset lately.
Along with many of the other things going on in my life, head, heart, and etc., this song that I'd like to share has been in my head, ears, heart, and etc. a lot lately. I think it fits quite nicely. It's by a not-so-well-known-anymore singer/songwriter named Jason Harrod, who always slays me with his songs. He's become more and more an influence the more and more I listen. And this song begs me to listen. And I do.
Mothers and children all around on a Monday morning,
The air is cool and clear.
I am too alone to be part of this suburban scene.
I am just an observer here.
I'm sitting here thinking, "Is this my inheritance?"
This dusty gypsy atmosphere,
This dust I'm breathing in is someone else's skin, not mine.
I grew up far from here.
Today I answered some primal call.
Found myself looking at the sea.
I can never get enough of this big ocean loud and rough
With the sighing sifting melody.
Right here is beauty like I have never known,
And I'm carefully placed here, not some cast away,
But I'm weary and aching for my home,
And I'm waiting for my day.
Longing in starlight,
I'm too stricken to move, too impatient to sit,
At the same time strong and weak.
I am loved enough to be part of this eternal scene.
Thus I am bold enough to speak.
And I say, "I used to read the Bible saying,
'This I know, this I know, this I no longer know,
This I no longer really care.'"
What's that matter anyway, that was yesterday.
Tonight I have belief to spare.
So much belief that I get scared, yeah.
Right here is beauty like I have never known,
And I'm carefully placed here, not some cast away,
But I'm weary and aching for my home,
And I'm waiting for my day.
12.15.2008
... To Be Jolly ...
Ugh. Man. The cold finally got me! After several fierce battles - all of which I won - and even a poor showing by the old immune system after a night of too much adult beverage consumption, I was still standing. Like a spartan with shield and spear, I was ready for the next go-round.
Then it got warm and rainy (bad sign #1: weather change).
Then I didn't get much sleep for an entire week (bad sign #2: not enough rest).
Then I was so busy I didn't have much time to exercise (bad sign #C: fitness regimine disrupted).
Then I had a lot of fun, but the emotional kind of fun, fun that makes you feel and think and maybe be a little nervous... all on top of finishing off the busiest week of the year at work (bad sign #4: stress level increase).
Add it all up: Dusty's sick for the first time in a long while. Damn.
But I'm still jolly!
Then it got warm and rainy (bad sign #1: weather change).
Then I didn't get much sleep for an entire week (bad sign #2: not enough rest).
Then I was so busy I didn't have much time to exercise (bad sign #C: fitness regimine disrupted).
Then I had a lot of fun, but the emotional kind of fun, fun that makes you feel and think and maybe be a little nervous... all on top of finishing off the busiest week of the year at work (bad sign #4: stress level increase).
Add it all up: Dusty's sick for the first time in a long while. Damn.
But I'm still jolly!
Tis The Season
Tis the season to be jolly, and jolly I am. Frozen, but jolly.
Things go well, as things have been tending to do here lately. I had a busy - BUSY - week, and a busy weekend, but it was good. And I did catch up on some sleep (I know Hank, I know... either sleep or don't, but you can't catch up). I spent my weekend with wonderful friends new and old, playing music, playing games, enjoying good company, laughing and just generally enjoying the whole deal.
I made one mistake. I bummed a cigarette (ok, two) last night, and of course proceeded to smoke it. Had to get my one last jones. The proceeded to destroy my throat, which subsequently dried up into the Sahara. Last night was miserable, only because I had a lot of trouble sleeping, and when I did finally fall asleep, I slept in fits and woke up frequently to cough and hack with my dry throat.
So today brings much medicine - I spent $30 in meds on the way to work this morning - and good warm tea. Hopefully I can fight this winter cold/throat destruction off quickly. We shall see.
Nevertheless, no other complaints about a wonderful weekend. Just remember - don't let me bum a fag off of you!
Things go well, as things have been tending to do here lately. I had a busy - BUSY - week, and a busy weekend, but it was good. And I did catch up on some sleep (I know Hank, I know... either sleep or don't, but you can't catch up). I spent my weekend with wonderful friends new and old, playing music, playing games, enjoying good company, laughing and just generally enjoying the whole deal.
I made one mistake. I bummed a cigarette (ok, two) last night, and of course proceeded to smoke it. Had to get my one last jones. The proceeded to destroy my throat, which subsequently dried up into the Sahara. Last night was miserable, only because I had a lot of trouble sleeping, and when I did finally fall asleep, I slept in fits and woke up frequently to cough and hack with my dry throat.
So today brings much medicine - I spent $30 in meds on the way to work this morning - and good warm tea. Hopefully I can fight this winter cold/throat destruction off quickly. We shall see.
Nevertheless, no other complaints about a wonderful weekend. Just remember - don't let me bum a fag off of you!
12.10.2008
Bandaged Hand in Hand
Good times. That's what I can say for now.
Work is hell, but fun, and when you work with good people who you like (and who like you, I suppose), that makes hard work all the better. Working with good people is the way to go. Sometimes I have to remind myself that after everything that went down at my last job. Nasty, rotten peoples ova dat way. Good peoples ova here.
What else? Music, music, music, and more music. I need, Need, NEED to write more. I have a dozen ideas storming around my head, all kind of raring their heads at different times. Nothing is down yet. But goodness, I need to get some things down on paper. And the business of music - don't get me started! Things are finally working and moving along, but it's hard work. I love it, it's tough but so far so good, and worth the effort. Just wish I had more time!
What else? My personal life is good. Moving in some positive directions! So... now... D, don't think... don't think... don't think D!
Anything else? My health is good. And that's a good thing.
Concert tix on the way, Coheed and Dropkick, whooooo!
Isbell on the stereo. Can't beat that.
Fingers on the keyboard. Working.
Back at it. Good peoples ova here.
Work is hell, but fun, and when you work with good people who you like (and who like you, I suppose), that makes hard work all the better. Working with good people is the way to go. Sometimes I have to remind myself that after everything that went down at my last job. Nasty, rotten peoples ova dat way. Good peoples ova here.
What else? Music, music, music, and more music. I need, Need, NEED to write more. I have a dozen ideas storming around my head, all kind of raring their heads at different times. Nothing is down yet. But goodness, I need to get some things down on paper. And the business of music - don't get me started! Things are finally working and moving along, but it's hard work. I love it, it's tough but so far so good, and worth the effort. Just wish I had more time!
What else? My personal life is good. Moving in some positive directions! So... now... D, don't think... don't think... don't think D!
Anything else? My health is good. And that's a good thing.
Concert tix on the way, Coheed and Dropkick, whooooo!
Isbell on the stereo. Can't beat that.
Fingers on the keyboard. Working.
Back at it. Good peoples ova here.
12.04.2008
I Am An Exit
I don't blog enough. Sometimes this poor site becomes a release for the bad, and never enough of the good, and lately things are going good... maybe even great.
Winter can be such a tough time, for so many people. It can be for me, that's for sure, but other than in early November, things have been excellent this winter. I am overworked but not totally overstressed. I have way too much to do with the music stuff, but it is so much fun I don't mind.
Winter is one of those great seasons where life is preparing to be reborn. Some view it as the end - the death of the year - but it's cyclical, so it's not really the death, but merely the completion of the circle of another years. And circles are continuous (thank you geometry), so we know that spring is coming, and life is preparing to be reborn.
In much that same way, some people use winter to labor over what is ending, while others use it to prepare for what is coming. This year has been so much of the latter for me - preparing for another good, possibly great year.
Let me share one small thing with you, one of the many reasons I am excited about the rebirth. I am working on getting my music online - ONLINE! - and the process has been fun, information, and most of all, carries with it a sense of accomplishment. Soon I'll be able to sell music online, linked from my own website, and even on iTunes and other electronic music sites. How cool is that?
I'll have to make it a point to come back often, and share my stories, good ones, for your enjoyment. This blog is my exit. But so many times the road you veer off of on the highway of life makes for one helluva great detour.
Winter can be such a tough time, for so many people. It can be for me, that's for sure, but other than in early November, things have been excellent this winter. I am overworked but not totally overstressed. I have way too much to do with the music stuff, but it is so much fun I don't mind.
Winter is one of those great seasons where life is preparing to be reborn. Some view it as the end - the death of the year - but it's cyclical, so it's not really the death, but merely the completion of the circle of another years. And circles are continuous (thank you geometry), so we know that spring is coming, and life is preparing to be reborn.
In much that same way, some people use winter to labor over what is ending, while others use it to prepare for what is coming. This year has been so much of the latter for me - preparing for another good, possibly great year.
Let me share one small thing with you, one of the many reasons I am excited about the rebirth. I am working on getting my music online - ONLINE! - and the process has been fun, information, and most of all, carries with it a sense of accomplishment. Soon I'll be able to sell music online, linked from my own website, and even on iTunes and other electronic music sites. How cool is that?
I'll have to make it a point to come back often, and share my stories, good ones, for your enjoyment. This blog is my exit. But so many times the road you veer off of on the highway of life makes for one helluva great detour.
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