So... things are... good. To a point. I couldn't put my finger on anyone thing that has been a BIG change. I'm exercising and eating more healthily than I have in a long time. I am trying to save money. I am working on relaxing, centering myself. Reading. Playing more music and less video games. Spending time thinking about big questions. Expecting less and less of God... by easing my expectations on him, perhaps he eases his expectations on me (somehow, this seems to work).
I am contented. I would like to flip out, especially with the emerging economic crisis. But, you know, we are fucked no matter what on that front, so... the best I can do right now is just try and save more, be more frugal with my money. So that is a goal.
But there aren't many things I could really change... because I am in such a state of flux right now... it's not change for the sake of change. It's forward motion.
I am finished (for now at least) with waiting on a present something. Even if these steps are baby steps, I am putting one foot in front of the other. Life is what happens while you are living it. So long as I can be healthy and have fun, why wait?
9.26.2008
9.25.2008
God, what do you say?
So… the other night I had a dream that I want to relate. In the dream, there was a hero. He looked a bit like me. As I watched, I discovered the world he was in was our own, but in the future.
In the future… after the second coming, the apocalypse, Armageddon, the rapture, whatever you want to call it.
As I listened to him talk to a passerby or a companion, I know not which, he described what had happened. God had returned to our now (not the dream-world now, but this current day and age) to call his faithful home, and to judge and punish the wicked.
The unfortunate thing was that so many had lost faith in the one true God, and had worshipped so many things other than him – their own “Christian” religion among those idols they had raised up – that very few truly faithful people still existed. Many of these people immediately turned on God, spewing hatred and evil, while others held on to the beliefs they had always had, claiming this wasn’t the true God, not the one they believed in, but some imposter god. The other people, those who had been neutral or aligned differently in their religious outlooks in life… most of them stayed that way.
It was a dark time, but would only get worse. God decided to cleanse the world of what was left. This he had decided to do with an army of angels, that surely no human could withstand. What he hadn’t counted on was the spirit and fire of human will, not to mention the selfish, devious lengths any human would go to “win.” As such, most of the remaining people allied themselves with all manner of demons, devils, evil creatures and malevolent spirits.
The combined army of humans and devils was too much for God’s angelic army. The war raged on and on, destroying the natural beauty of the earth, leaving it nothing more than a wasteland. Eventually, the will of humanity won out… and God’s angel were all either killed or expunged from the earth.
The remaining people then began to war with their once demonic allies, for control of the either. God looked down, and sighed. Many humans remained that had tried to remain neutral, and still more were born of the wicked humans who turned away from evil ways.
The hero was one such child… a person born of evil but turned to goodness because of the amount of evil in the world. He was a crusader.
His words to his listener, this passerby or companion, were harsh, true, heartfelt.
“God is not dead,” he said. “God simply failed. He failed because he gave us power, the power of choice and the power of will. Maybe we both failed, God and us. He still exists, and he is still a being of love, and even now, he cares for his children, even the ones he failed to destroy.”
“We live in a new age, with no rules, with no Christ, with no boogey-men preachers that tell us how to live, with no book-thumpers who make us feel guilty for the choices we make. It is a world where survival of the fittest rules. It is a world of humanity for humanity’s sake. To be good is simply enough. To be evil is simply enough. To be neutral is enough. There are lines drawn in the sand.”
“Today is what we make it. Tomorrow is what we make it. It is my choice to walk this broken world, bringing hope to the broken, bringing justice to the wicked. I serve the true god, the god that failed, the god that wasn’t strong enough to protect and correct his own creation. But the old prophets disciples got one thing write. Christ was enough to teach us all that God does love us. So maybe he was our savior after all? Doesn’t matter now. What matters is what we do this day, what we do tomorrow, and that we try not to kill and curse everyone we cross in our path.”
“Maybe one day we’ll right our own wrongs. To hell with what anyone thinks. It’s time to live for the sake of living, to hold on to goodness.”
The hero turned to walk away. The passerby or companion raised a fist, and in this fist was a knife, and he lunged to stab the hero in the back.
The hero spun and shot the listener dead. He spat on the ground. He looked up to the red-black sky, the scorched sky, and then looked down at the scorched earth.
“It is my choice to walk this broken world, bringing hope to the broken, bringing justice to the wicked… bringing peace, love, and goodness to the deserving. I am broken and serve a broken god… but each step brings hope….”
The hero walked onward.
I woke up later, and wondered to myself… was this a dream, or reality?
Am I the hero, or the listener?
Am I dead, or truly alive?
Is this all dream, or reality? What wickedness controls our daily lives? Where is the hero with hope for the broken, is this, the most broken of ages?
Should I go back to sleep?
In the future… after the second coming, the apocalypse, Armageddon, the rapture, whatever you want to call it.
As I listened to him talk to a passerby or a companion, I know not which, he described what had happened. God had returned to our now (not the dream-world now, but this current day and age) to call his faithful home, and to judge and punish the wicked.
The unfortunate thing was that so many had lost faith in the one true God, and had worshipped so many things other than him – their own “Christian” religion among those idols they had raised up – that very few truly faithful people still existed. Many of these people immediately turned on God, spewing hatred and evil, while others held on to the beliefs they had always had, claiming this wasn’t the true God, not the one they believed in, but some imposter god. The other people, those who had been neutral or aligned differently in their religious outlooks in life… most of them stayed that way.
It was a dark time, but would only get worse. God decided to cleanse the world of what was left. This he had decided to do with an army of angels, that surely no human could withstand. What he hadn’t counted on was the spirit and fire of human will, not to mention the selfish, devious lengths any human would go to “win.” As such, most of the remaining people allied themselves with all manner of demons, devils, evil creatures and malevolent spirits.
The combined army of humans and devils was too much for God’s angelic army. The war raged on and on, destroying the natural beauty of the earth, leaving it nothing more than a wasteland. Eventually, the will of humanity won out… and God’s angel were all either killed or expunged from the earth.
The remaining people then began to war with their once demonic allies, for control of the either. God looked down, and sighed. Many humans remained that had tried to remain neutral, and still more were born of the wicked humans who turned away from evil ways.
The hero was one such child… a person born of evil but turned to goodness because of the amount of evil in the world. He was a crusader.
His words to his listener, this passerby or companion, were harsh, true, heartfelt.
“God is not dead,” he said. “God simply failed. He failed because he gave us power, the power of choice and the power of will. Maybe we both failed, God and us. He still exists, and he is still a being of love, and even now, he cares for his children, even the ones he failed to destroy.”
“We live in a new age, with no rules, with no Christ, with no boogey-men preachers that tell us how to live, with no book-thumpers who make us feel guilty for the choices we make. It is a world where survival of the fittest rules. It is a world of humanity for humanity’s sake. To be good is simply enough. To be evil is simply enough. To be neutral is enough. There are lines drawn in the sand.”
“Today is what we make it. Tomorrow is what we make it. It is my choice to walk this broken world, bringing hope to the broken, bringing justice to the wicked. I serve the true god, the god that failed, the god that wasn’t strong enough to protect and correct his own creation. But the old prophets disciples got one thing write. Christ was enough to teach us all that God does love us. So maybe he was our savior after all? Doesn’t matter now. What matters is what we do this day, what we do tomorrow, and that we try not to kill and curse everyone we cross in our path.”
“Maybe one day we’ll right our own wrongs. To hell with what anyone thinks. It’s time to live for the sake of living, to hold on to goodness.”
The hero turned to walk away. The passerby or companion raised a fist, and in this fist was a knife, and he lunged to stab the hero in the back.
The hero spun and shot the listener dead. He spat on the ground. He looked up to the red-black sky, the scorched sky, and then looked down at the scorched earth.
“It is my choice to walk this broken world, bringing hope to the broken, bringing justice to the wicked… bringing peace, love, and goodness to the deserving. I am broken and serve a broken god… but each step brings hope….”
The hero walked onward.
I woke up later, and wondered to myself… was this a dream, or reality?
Am I the hero, or the listener?
Am I dead, or truly alive?
Is this all dream, or reality? What wickedness controls our daily lives? Where is the hero with hope for the broken, is this, the most broken of ages?
Should I go back to sleep?
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