Can't Wait For Election Day...

And I couldn't. I couldn't wait for election day. I was up early, and off to the polls... which if you haven't heard by now, were poorly handled, stationed, etc etc etc in Indiana. I stood outside in the morning 40 degree weather for an hour. The woman behind me had on sandals. She mentioned more than once, or twice, or thrice, he dismay and idioticy at having chosen sandals on this morning.

I waited, then I took my three to five minutes and made my choices. And then, like the rest of America and her Americans, I waited.

And I watched Wolf and Anderson on CNN tell me how it was going. I feared. I hoped. And then...

Rewind. I haven't had much hope in humanity lately. I've been sorely - SORELY - disappointed in the actions and attitudes of most of the people around me. Some of them I associate with, and I have grown more and more Sartre-ian in my apathy and disgust for these people. Others are just the assholes in front of me on my way to and from work, driving ever so slowly, erratically stopping, sitting at an open roundabout for 3 minutes because they are too stupid and confused to know to drive into it.

I lost hope. I lost patience. I examined my own life and my successes and failures, and wondered if I measured up to my standards and to other people's standards.

I also took stock of many, many things. I rediscovered goodness is people, too. I had great friends and great parents and great people around me.

But I needed a hero.

I think we all did.

And we needed a cause. My generation, specifically, needed its cause. Our Vietnam. Our Aids. Our Abortion. Our WWII. We have become far too apathetic and cynical, because Gay Rights and Iraq were not enough for us to rally behind, not enough to give our young lives a sense of purpose, meaning, and accomplishment.

No. We needed our moment.

And then...

Last night, we got it.

I have never been more proud to be an American than I was last night and am right now. I have always had a fierce patriotism in my heart, because this land has let me accomplish so many things, and, truthfully, has tolerated so many of the things I love, and yes, hate. We live in the greatest nation, a flaw nation, but one without equal. Only our fears, prejudices, hatreds, and nagging need to judge and damn all those around us holds us back
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Well, last night, we struck a blow againts apathy. Against hatred. Against cynicism. And yes, against Sartre-ian Nausea.

And even though as Barack Obama walked across the stage, I felt a twinge of fear... I felt hope.

Now I just hope our hatreds don't get the best of us. Already this morning, on the devil of all mankind, the internet, I saw a classmate from high school declare our nation now embroiled in communism and a place where hard work wasn't rewarded, but that our rewards are stolen from the righteous and given to the unclean. I remember this student from high school. He was a good kid, and by all accounts a good man. I remember him having the Confederate flag hanging from the back of his mud-slingin' truck. I wonder if he has ever thought of a black American as anything other than "nigger."

That made me pause. I make racist jokes all the time. And I am ashamed, and always have been, of my own racism. Racism is taught. You aren't born with it. And if I were to say I wasn't a racist, I would be lying. I know the words of hate, and I say the words of hate. But I do truly fear the places the words lead. And while I am flawed, I hope that that fear, and the knowledge that I can do and be better, will lead me to be a better person than I am today. My parents and family have been the most wonderful, loving people I have ever known. My friends and colleagues have been the same. Still, I hope one day, if I have children, i can do better by them in this way. I hope I can teach them to be more tolerant than I, even as I myself was taught by my parents to be more tolerant than them.

Still, I know as full of fear and racism as I can be and have been, I struck a blow from my heart against my programmed mind. I fought off the Nausea, the fear, the apathy. And I will continue to fight.

I am proud to be an American. I am proud to have graduated from a redneck, racist High School, and I am proud of the people who, like me, escaped it. I am proud of those of us who strive against the apathy and the nausea.

I am proud of Barack Obama. I am proud of our country, the one we will continue to build and lead and grow together. I invite you all to celebrate this most historic of days with me.

I ask anyone of my generation to finally put their selfishness down and to revel in this day, in this victory. We took one small step towards change. Now, please, let's keep moving forward.

Now... get out of my way, damnit. Learn how to drive!!!