Music, Guitar, Dylan Sneed, Love, God... and Me

A few weeks back I quoted a Dylan Sneed song, "What I Thought." Today, I listened to it again. I can't say how amazingly happy and excited I am to play a show with this singer/songwriter from Texas. I haven't anticipated something like this in a long while. The man's writing is fantastic.

Below is another sampling, from that same song. It hit me particularly hard this morning, for obvious reasons to those who know me and know what is going on right now. But beyond love and life and all it's joys and ups and downs and changes and etc., this guy can write. I am so looking forward to January 19th.


I knew you were pretty, you seemed kind of smart
But I just wasn't ready for the shape of your heart
Well charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting
But when I talk to you, girl I can feel my heart beating

You're not who I thought you'd be
You're just who you are
And the wise and the fool agree
That you've got a fire in your heart
That's what I've been looking for
And that's what I've found
So I'm ready to start feeling
My feet leave the ground

We'll Keep Marching To The Top Of This Tower/ Love Is A Tower

A good friend recently discussed the balance of good versus evil on her blog (thanks for the insight Rach - good post), and the got me thinking. A lot of what she discussed had to do with choice. And choice can be a bitch, let me tell you.

I know my own heart, and I know I struggle with certain things. I want so bad to find what I have sought out that, when it comes close, my heart wars with my mind - chivalry, love, goodness versus self-doubt, jealousy, worrying. The good in me wars with the bad. And I have to choose which voice to listen to, the heart that wants to be free or the head that knows we've been down this path before, and left a broken man.

I am not a broken man. But... sometimes I can't help thinking there's a little Roland of Gilead in me, the Gunslinger. I've joked, and been serious, too, before about slinging lead in my songs. More than that, though, is the one-mindedness, the determination to see the tower, to climb to the top and conquer whatever is there.

And thanks to my boys in Pearl Jam, I get the reminder that Love is a Tower.

So, am I Roland, pursuing that which is forever seemingly out of my grasp, in the distance and dying as I march on, my Tower of Love? And, for those who have finished the Dark Tower books... have I been like Roland in other ways? In the beginning? At the end, if and when he finally gets his tower? In the early years, with Susan?

There is nothing wrong. Everything, or damn near, is right. I just hope I can fight my head, and conquer the tower of Self-Doubt, so I can storm the Tower of Love, and claim that elusive son of a bitch as my own. As someone who's involved said recently, it's about time. For her and me both.

Now then, with that out of the way... if Roland is all impulse, but slow-witted in the books - more mathematical than imaginative, more stoic than romantic (though very romantic in his own ways), is there a way to escape his curse? I have no desire to live for the chase... even though life is about the journey and not the destination, this should be but the next (albeit big) step on that wonderful walk/run/crawl/leap.

All this is just philosphical psycho-babble... my musings on a busy but boring Wednesday afternoon. Things are going well and easy. I just don't want to hold on too fast or too much, too soon, too hard, too loose, too little, too etc, too etc, too etc.

I just want to take this one to the top of the Tower (the Love one, not the others), and finally get - and SHARE - my passionate love affair.

So God, if you ARE at the top of that Tower? Throw me the key, man. She's earned it and maybe I have too.

I'm Amazed

Yeesh! I know this isn't a "real" entry, but it's what you get. Things are going well. I am scared to death. And through it all... I have hope. And that is a good thing.

I'm amazed in the quiet ocean
I'm amazed at your wrong devotion
I'm amazed at what the people saying
I'm amazed by a divided nation
Like the middle of the earth
I get disrupted

I'm amazed at all that has been
I'm amazed at all who be
I'm amazed at the TV stations
I'm amazed what they want me to believe
After all is said and done
Will we seek justice

I'm amazed at the evolution
I'm amazed at the lack of fame
I'm amazed at the love we're rejecting
I'm amazed that we accepted this place
Like the middle of the earth and the middle of the ages
Like a river I get disrupted

I'm amazed

I'm amazed

I'm amazed

Don't Wait

This one goes out to Cory. Who loves Dashboard Confessional/ deserves to be on the cover of Tiger Beat. Or something like that. Anyway, pertinent to my last post...

The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again

Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down

You get one look
I'll show you something that the knife took
A bit too early for my own good
Now let's not speak of it again

Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down

Don't wait, Don't wait
The lights will flash and fade away
The days will pass you by
Don't wait
To lay your armor down...

Don't Let It Take The Fight Outta You

Sometimes, it isn't as easy as it looks. I can't say it's not as great as it sounds... but it isn't easy. It takes time, patience, honesty, openness, more patience, and quite a bit of giving of one's self.

As much as I love the feeling of it, I won't lie - part of it is also like being sliced open, butterflied, exposed. No one likes to be exposed, not like that. Inside there are things wonderful, but there are also things not-so-wonderful. We've got our skeletons in this closet, and our insecurities, in this one, here.

"Opening is not easy," I wrote in "Reflections." While that tune is more about being spiritually lost, the point I am trying to make is sound - that opening up, at any time and in any way, is tough. It's not easy to lay yourself out there - whether it's to the mirror, to god, to a friend or a loved one, or someone special.

One of my own personal relfections has always been how cyclical life can be (yes, like a cycle, or a circle... not cynical, which you could at times accuse me of... this is not one of those times). It's not always easy, and it's not always meant to be easy. Sometimes it is hard, tough, sucks, and is downright shitty. Sometimes it's lonely.

And sometimes it is not. The ups and downs, though, are what make us who we are. And I have seen both. I've got skeletons here and there. And I've got a trophy room, too.

Showing someone your insides isn't always easy. But neither is having someone to show your insides too.

Ben Harper said it best: "don't let it take the fight outta you." The wheel's gonna keep on turnin'... it's our job to keep on going with the flow, ride the ups and downs, learn from it all, and make our life one to remember.