And I Must Refuse Your Test

Reflection. It's like a really good drug that sometimes screws you up, and sometimes fixes you. Depends on your mood? Maybe. 2008 was my "big year of reflection." You know, getting all of the baggage out of the way, seeing which ways things might swing, putting to bed lingering issues, moving forward.

2008 was all of that, and more. But life is kind of a cycle, is definitely a journey, and is truly better with experience. Sometimes, living from the blood machine can be painful, as much as it can be uplifting and joyous. Happiness comes in waves. Yes, general happiness can be ever-present, and more so than since 2005-ish, I was pretty damned happy last year, generally speaking.

Reflection continues, however. Small my table... often, seats just one. Gets so crowded, and there's no fun.

You love what you love, people. And I love a lot. A lot of things, I don't or can't love - it's not in the cards. And we are fickle, selfish people. Nothing new there. I believe in the goodness of mankind, and have for a while. But I also believe it takes one helluva effort to get man out of his own way - his goodness only goes so far as his selfishness will allow.

My take on personal relationships: see above. Friends and lovers: see above. Family can be so much easier... it is easier to be selfless to ones you've loved and been with your whole life (for some, and notice the qualifier "loved" - not all family works this way. for the rest: see above).

We're all wanting something. The world throws a billion tests our way, along the way. Religion, politics, death, love, friendship, sex, food, work, you name it. Road blocks. Yes, road blocks to some of those very things - love can interfere with love, can and will. Be a philosopher. It works. Think it. Feel it. Put one foot in front of the other. Step over the road blocks? Isn't that easy, not usually. But... maybe.

It is tough to be a searcher. But call me The Seeker - I've been searching low and high. I hope that I get what I'm after... before the day I die.