Love is a Surrender

So the good times are gone. Once more I stand here with a wreck of a heart, wondering, hoping, but broken just the same.

My mind is spinning with every "win her back" idea I can think of... flowers, hugs, letters, any way I can spend time with her, any way I could show her how I feel. But all of that is meaningless at this point - not meaningless, but pointless. She knows how I feel. She doesn't know how she feels, or rather, doesn't know if she's ready to feel more.

Sure, I understand. It fucking hurts. It always does. But I understand.

My heart and my head, and my very soul, are in total upheaval. I wanted a battle to fight, but this wasn't what i was hoping for. How can I fight this way? It certainly doesn't feel like I am fighting for her.

Time is the great equalizer they say. Time heals all wounds - but that never is sweet when you hear it, when you're the one hurting. Because, after all, time just kills us all.

My tears, my anxieties, my pain won't fix this. My love, my giving-of-self, my sacrifice, my passion... it cannot fix this. Like every time... it's not in my hands. I have climbed the mountain, only to reach down for her hand...

It's up to her to grab it.

In my little book, my little Love devotional that I read every so often, had this to say, on this day:

Love is not a negotiation. It is a surrender. An absolute surrender... a total giving, an absolute submission of my absolute self. I entrust my soul to something I do not fully understand... and there is no middle ground, no margin of compromise. Love is where forever keeps itself.

Now... if only she could open her eyes... and see.